prepare questions

What is PREPARE TM?
PREPARE is not a religiously-based program with a religious agenda or point of view. It is a religion-neutral, assessment/ counseling model designed to help couples get real about marriage as they better understand the ways they mesh as two unique individuals entering a life-long relationship. Over one million couples have engaged in and benefited from this hands-on program. I’m looking forward to accompanying you on this journey as you empower yourselves to build a mature, lasting, and radiant union of mind, body, and spirit.

The goals of the program are:
1. To identify your strengths as a couple and build new ones.
2.To identify habits, behaviors, and old patterns that are unproductive and make changes using concrete strategies.
3. To strengthen your communication skills, including assertiveness and active listening. Also, to learn one another’s preferred “ love language” and how to speak “I” to “I.”
4. To help you negotiate differences and resolve conflicts using a ten-step model.
5. To explore your relationship and Family-of-Origin using the Couple and Family Map.
6. To develop shared approaches to financial and family goals.
7.To work through tensions regarding spiritual beliefs, intimacy, vulnerabilities, or other matters in a kind and respectful way.
8. To understand better how your different temperaments and personalities can best compliment one another.
9. To write a mission statement for your marriage.

Why should we do the PREPARETM program now?
You may wonder: This is a romantic time for us. Exploring the challenging parts of our relationship will be a downer, won’t it? Why should we waste time on “counseling” if everything is wonderful now? Well, regardless of how long you’ve been together or how much in love you are now, most couples benefit enormously from concrete skill-building as they enter into a relationship as complex as marriage.

We all know the statistics – 50% of marriages do not succeed (20% of these in the first five years). And most couples counseling occurs only after the relationship has broken down and become unhappy or devitalized. But, it doesn’t have to be. Your marriage can be as radiant and loving (and even, well-planned) as your wedding day.

I’ve come to think of what I offer couples as relationship coaching, in that our time together will give you better insights into each another’s styles and priorities, will identify potential areas of future tension, and will give you useable tools for building a fulfilling and lasting marriage – all in a non-threatening, honest but uplifting way. The program has a positive focus – to affirm, not condemn; to build rather than to blame. Read what other brides say about the process. You can read articles about marriage preparation and about how to build a lasting relationship at the Resources page.

How much time is involved?
Typically, the program is two 90-minute sessions or one 3-hour session.. Ask yourself how many hours you’ve devoted to choosing your wedding dress, flowers, rings, and cake? The fun stuff. Out-of-town couples may meet with me for one longer session, depending on scheduling factors.

You’ll complete the PREPARETM Inventory which will identify your strengths and challenges as a couple and send it back to me for processing. In our four hours together, we will use a detailed computer review, discussion, and user-friendly exercises to help you turn any stumbling blocks into stepping stones to a successful marriage. Additional sessions can be added, if desired.

What does it cost?
The fee for the PREPARETM program, including all materials, is $165.00 for couples that I am marrying, and $225.00 for couples that have engaged another Officiant. This fee represents less than half the cost of conventional talk therapy, and less than 1% of a typical $20,000 wedding budget). Yes, this is a good value monetarily; but more importantly, it’s an investment in your life-long commitment towards one another and your future marital success.

Do you offer PREPARETM for same-sex couples?
Yes. With some modification and with the addition of resources created by the Unitarian Universalist Association, I do offer marriage preparation for same-sex couples. In terms of “expecting” marriage preparation for same sex couples, I do have the same philosophy that I do for heterosexual couples since “marriage” is complex and challenging, regardless of gender. However, couples who are legalizing a marriage-like relationship that is long-standing are not required to undergo marriage preparation. At their request, we can work together to enrich the relationship as they move forward together.

* You must both apply in person. A birth certificate and driver's license may be required.
* You must file jointly and you may do so with the city or town clerk in any community in the state.
* A marriage license, once obtained, is valid for 60 days from the date intentions are filed and may be used in any Massachusetts city or town.
* There is a mandatory three-day waiting period.
* The state statute stipulates a fee of $4.00 for the license but allows each city or town to set their own fee.
* A Massachusetts resident may marry if he or she is 18 years of age or older.
* A birth certificate may be required as proof of age.
* If either party is under 18, a court order from a probate or district court where the minor resides must be obtained before the marriage intentions can be filed.
* Medical certificates which are obtained after the filing of intentions are valid for 60 days from the date intentions are filed, the same length of time the marriage license itself is valid.

NOTE: You will not automatically be sent a copy of your license after the Officiant signs it and sends it back to the town/city clerk.

You may be able to enclose a check with the license for an official copy or you will have to go to town hall to order/purchase one at a later date. Read any inserts that come with your license, or ask about this process when you take out the license.

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